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Understanding Relationship Patterns Through Psychodynamic Counselling

For many, romantic relationships can be both exciting and overwhelming. You meet someone, feel drawn to them, you are excited to see them again – so far, so good. As the connections grows, something else might begin to creep in: stress, anxiety, or a fear of losing them.

Why Do Relationship Patterns Repeat?

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Relationships can stir up deep emotional patterns – often shaped by our early experiences that influence how we relate to others. The concepts of “anxious” and “avoidant” introduced by John Bowlby, help explain common relationship dynamics.

In this dynamic both partners want connection, one may seek closeness whilst the others pulls away to protect their independence. This push pull cycle can be painful and confusing, especially for the person who is trying hardest to keep the relationship going.

Signs You Might Be Caught Up in Unhelpful Patterns

If you often find yourself “trying harder” to make the relationship work, you might notice:

Putting your partners needs above your own
Losing touch with your own interests or goals
Accepting behaviour that doesn’t feel right
Feeling unsettled when you are not in contact

Over time, these patterns can erode your sense of self outside the relationship

How Early Experiences Influence Our Relationship Style

If love felt conditional growing up – if you felt cared for only when you were “good” helpful or emotionally contained – then you may have learned to connect by adapting or supressing your true feelings. These adaptions often remain unconscious until bought to light in therapy.

As children, we depend on caregivers for safety. If that bond was uncertain, we do whatever it takes to maintain it – even disconnecting from ourselves. So when a partner pulls away or the relationship feels uncertain, it can trigger deep emotional responses rooted in survival.

How Psychodynamic Counselling Can Help

If you find yourself silencing your needs or shrinking to keep the peace, therapy can help you reclaim your voice and presence. Real love allows space for both partners to be fully themselves.

Taking Care of Yourself in Relationships

Reconnect with your interest and what brings you joy
Make a mental list of the people in your life who are reliable and safe, keep them close mentally and emotionally
Remember you are allowed to take up space and be heard

You don’t have to work this out alone.